Several things went through my mind, "Did what happen just happen?!", "Is this what a stroke or heart attack feels like?!", I know the text book descriptions but I'm trying to self diagnosis something I've never experienced. "Should I tell Teresia?", hmm...there's always that.
I lingered on this last one more than any other question going through my mind. Should I tell my wife the truth or just sit for a while, preach and tell her I feel tired after the morning service and take a nap. But she would know and she'd worry. I don't like worrying my wife, she's been through enough in the last several months with her own health issues that she still deals with on a daily basis. She deserves the truth. For all the machismo reasons I've used in the past not to say anything, the fact that Teresia is entitled to the truth trumps them all. If I can't be open and honest, even vulnerable, with my wife than I have more serious issues than a silly health problem. So I texted her to come to the auditorium quickly and sat waiting.
After talking with Teresia and Vicki Phelps, who just happened to come into the auditorium and who just happens to work in the medical field (again, we're in the auditorium of church, it's a God thing), it was decided to be safe than sorry. Besides when I asked Teresia what she wanted me to do I already knew the answer, I would go to the ER even if she had to carry me. I could see the fear in her eyes. She knows all too well what I might face if it were something serious. It was a Sunday morning not 7 months ago when the roles were reversed, she was the one who was having what would be a heart attack and have to have a stint in one artery and angioplasty in another. She endured months of therapy, faithfully going and putting everything into building her strength back. All the macho reasons to sit, rest and wait it out were no match for the fear I saw in her eyes that morning.
So we went to the ER. Or should I say we very hurriedly, with much haste, flashers on, get out of my way, tire squealing, let's test the cornering ability, rolling stops, almost parking in the ER lobby did we make our way to the hospital. BTW, Teresia was driving. I rue the officer who would have stopped her on her appointed journey. I believe Bill had a saying about a woman scorned.....anyway, we made it in record time.
I was admitted, wires were attached, tests were run, many questions were asked (I personally liked the one about feeling safe in my house, Teresia didn't like my answer) and we waited. One of the test was taking my blood pressure lying down, sitting up and standing. There was a noticeable difference when standing (this is common in many people), so the ER doctor talked about that and I revealed that I've had these weird episodes for several years when my heart feels like it's doing the Cha-cha, I'd never passed out (syncope) when this happened in the past, so I was a little concerned hence my admission to my dancing heart.
All said, I'm healthy. In the ER doc's own words "Your numbers are the picture of health". I like this doc, he must be a wise and understanding man. He recommended and wrote a script for a heart monitor and I was directed where I'd need to go for this medical technology. I most likely have an arrhythmia or palpitation, nothing overtly health threatening. Unfortunately, I have to wait until next week to visit the Cardiologist to find out what if anything is wrong with me.
What's the final verdict? I'm going to die.....eventually one day. That's not being morbid, that's being real. No one lives forever. At present I don't know why I blacked out. As a pastor I've witnessed too many times the brevity of life. I'm ready. No, I have no desire to leave this world just yet but laying in a hospital bed hit me a little harder than I realized. I haven't been in this position since I was four when I had my tonsils removed. What might be wrong with me wasn't what hit me hardest. It was how it affected those around me, especially Teresia. Emotions were all over the place, Whatever is wrong with me I can handle, but I don't like seeing how this effects her.
Regardless what happens, she and I are good. I know that more than anything in this world. As I lay in the ER that fact was confirmed yet again. My Heart might have skipped a beat Sunday morning, but my Heart Danced almost 28 years ago. I'm good......
I lingered on this last one more than any other question going through my mind. Should I tell my wife the truth or just sit for a while, preach and tell her I feel tired after the morning service and take a nap. But she would know and she'd worry. I don't like worrying my wife, she's been through enough in the last several months with her own health issues that she still deals with on a daily basis. She deserves the truth. For all the machismo reasons I've used in the past not to say anything, the fact that Teresia is entitled to the truth trumps them all. If I can't be open and honest, even vulnerable, with my wife than I have more serious issues than a silly health problem. So I texted her to come to the auditorium quickly and sat waiting.
After talking with Teresia and Vicki Phelps, who just happened to come into the auditorium and who just happens to work in the medical field (again, we're in the auditorium of church, it's a God thing), it was decided to be safe than sorry. Besides when I asked Teresia what she wanted me to do I already knew the answer, I would go to the ER even if she had to carry me. I could see the fear in her eyes. She knows all too well what I might face if it were something serious. It was a Sunday morning not 7 months ago when the roles were reversed, she was the one who was having what would be a heart attack and have to have a stint in one artery and angioplasty in another. She endured months of therapy, faithfully going and putting everything into building her strength back. All the macho reasons to sit, rest and wait it out were no match for the fear I saw in her eyes that morning.
So we went to the ER. Or should I say we very hurriedly, with much haste, flashers on, get out of my way, tire squealing, let's test the cornering ability, rolling stops, almost parking in the ER lobby did we make our way to the hospital. BTW, Teresia was driving. I rue the officer who would have stopped her on her appointed journey. I believe Bill had a saying about a woman scorned.....anyway, we made it in record time.
I was admitted, wires were attached, tests were run, many questions were asked (I personally liked the one about feeling safe in my house, Teresia didn't like my answer) and we waited. One of the test was taking my blood pressure lying down, sitting up and standing. There was a noticeable difference when standing (this is common in many people), so the ER doctor talked about that and I revealed that I've had these weird episodes for several years when my heart feels like it's doing the Cha-cha, I'd never passed out (syncope) when this happened in the past, so I was a little concerned hence my admission to my dancing heart.
All said, I'm healthy. In the ER doc's own words "Your numbers are the picture of health". I like this doc, he must be a wise and understanding man. He recommended and wrote a script for a heart monitor and I was directed where I'd need to go for this medical technology. I most likely have an arrhythmia or palpitation, nothing overtly health threatening. Unfortunately, I have to wait until next week to visit the Cardiologist to find out what if anything is wrong with me.
What's the final verdict? I'm going to die.....eventually one day. That's not being morbid, that's being real. No one lives forever. At present I don't know why I blacked out. As a pastor I've witnessed too many times the brevity of life. I'm ready. No, I have no desire to leave this world just yet but laying in a hospital bed hit me a little harder than I realized. I haven't been in this position since I was four when I had my tonsils removed. What might be wrong with me wasn't what hit me hardest. It was how it affected those around me, especially Teresia. Emotions were all over the place, Whatever is wrong with me I can handle, but I don't like seeing how this effects her.
Regardless what happens, she and I are good. I know that more than anything in this world. As I lay in the ER that fact was confirmed yet again. My Heart might have skipped a beat Sunday morning, but my Heart Danced almost 28 years ago. I'm good......
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