Recently I was made aware of a local pastor's sermon in which he references how a woman, in particular his wife, has lost weight, wears makeup and keeps tabs of her appearance all for his sake. I am reticent to publicly make comments about another pastor's sermons, in truth this is a first for me. But having watched the video, it has since been taken down, and hearing the same "advice" from the lead pastor(s) of Hillsong, I have a few thoughts.
I speak as the father of two daughters. You may wonder why I'm not beginning with any type of reference to my wife, we'll get to that later. Suffice it to say, my daughters are incredible. They are strong and sure of themselves, but that hasn't been without struggle. As their father I witnessed what they struggled against, not just the normal growing up and finding out who they are. They struggled as a young woman in this world because they were confronted with the unrealistic expectations of how they were "supposed" to look and act, especially how they Should Look. As if God has a preordained mold for the correct and acceptable size and shape. And if you don't fit that mold then you're broken, second rate, and you may hear some say out loud, or even worse in your own head, "if I just lost some weight or put some makeup on, then...." all the while dying on the inside so others will love them and accept them. How many young women have sold out just to hear "You Are Enough"? Once they reach that goal, then what? You're suddenly acceptable?! So, all a young lady has to do is to take what God has designed them and dispute the inherit beauty found in their own individualistic creation and exchange it for some temporary, worldly and unrealistic definition of beauty?!
I'm not only taking to task what this pastor said but also what other young ladies, especially the "influencers", portray and perpetuate as the standard of beauty and therefore, acceptability. It's easy to call out this pastor and use terms such as misogynistic or patriarchal. It's easy to call out young men for buying into a false definition of beauty and then accuse them of judging young ladies by that false standard. It's too easy, it's a character weakness that goes back to Adam as he stood there in the garden and said nothing in Eve's defense as she vied with the serpent. But women have to stop tearing each other down as well.
I'm also taking to task that idea that goes back eons about beauty and acceptability. I'll tell you what really bothers me about that sermon and those influencers as a father, I have to fight for my child's belief that They Are Enough. They are beautiful, they are incredible, they are acceptable. They are as God has designed them and that is a miracle. I had to fight for them, to encourage them, to say to them They Are Good, They Are Beautiful, They Are Enough...For ANYONE. But I'm just their dad, my words often were lost in the din of what they were hearing from the world. My faith and belief in them was many times lost in the chaos, the uncertainty, the self doubt. But I did not stop and will not stop fighting for them and will until my last breath, because they have taught me about love, beauty and strength in the face of an unseen enemy. That enemy of doubt, shame and self-loathing. And to hear a pastor state while standing in the pulpit and perpetuate that lie is nothing short of Godless. He may have made those statements in jest or to make a point, but I know what a young lady will hear when they hear when someone makes those statements, they will hear "I'm not enough". For that alone, he may need to reflect on his words and intent.
I've learned over the years a very important lesson about my daughters, it is to tell them and show them They are Enough. They are beautiful, they are amazing, they are strong. I've found those words for them to be powerful. Young woman face an indomitable foe, regardless if they're in church or not. They face the foe of self-loathing and doubt. I'm not much but I can help with that and they need each other to build up one another and not tear one another down with false expectations. And I want them to know that not all men are as selfish and immature as this pastor. Yes, I've definitely failed them. I've learned, they've helped me grow as a man, as a father. And for their love and patience I am forever grateful.
I will reference the one passage that I believe encompasses how I feel about my wife, Proverbs 31:10-31. Teresia is incredible. She's stronger than I am, her faith is much surer and her prayer life is what sustains us. She has made where ever we've lived a Home for our family. That is beautiful, it's incredible. She is my best friend. I am nothing without her. Ask our children what they think of their mother. That is praise enough because She is Enough.
